Ali Means Business marks the seventh film to have been created by the acclaimed director/producer JitteryDragon. It is rumored that watching this video will cause permanent brain damage. This is, of course, a lie made obvious by the fact that the writer of this article is actually the President of the United States and enjoys putting jellyfish in his pants as he washes his library full of green happiness and semiphorical glass flames following the--
- <please pardon the break in the article; the recent editor has been safely locked away in an asylum to undergo mental therapy; please enjoy the rest of your article and have a nice day>
Anyway, no doubt you want to know what's what in Ali Means Business, eh? So, it's too hard for you to wrap your little mind around the subtle messages about love, truth, and the Italian dream, eh? Well, then I'd better start wasting my time and get to writing something of a synopsis for this piece of shit. It's not that I have anything better to do other than to cater to the whims of some derelict who may by reading this particular Wiki anyway.
Hmph! It looks like I picked a hell of a day to quit smoking!
Synopsis[]
Part 1[]
As I was goin' over, the Cork an' Kerreh mountains, I saw Captain Ferrel. And his money he was countin'. I...err, I mean "we" apologize for that outburst, and poorly disguised Metallica reference (or Thin Lizzy reference, depending on who you are). It happens every so often, but depending on how much time you actually spend reading some of the articles in this Wiki, you might as well be used to it by now. If not, go take a shower (although I cannot guarantee even that will help you).
oving along...
So Cera is showing Littlefoot (who fell off the cliff and took several more hours to get up there again) a shortcut to wherever when they suddenly slide down a hill. Cera is on top of Littlefoot in representation of the upper-class man always keeping the little man down (and critics said that LBT films lacked symbolism--ha!). Now, as we all realize, Cera is full of shit and that shortcuts don't actually exist at all in real life. However, this doesn't stop her from simply believing in shortcuts,(or does it?) which is all the more inspiration for this film's audience to believe in stuff...or something like that. At the bottom of the hill, the two are horrified to discover the recent arrival of the malevolent being known to the world as Ali. And closely following her are the rest of her minions and probably some slaves who are totally following her against their will and/or better judgement...or whatever. Before Littlefoot can go in for the kill, Ali senses his presence and explodes his head with a mere thought.
The End.
...well, no that's obviously not "the end" of the film considering the fact that there's a lot more written here, unless you actually stopped reading after you read "the end" which you probably didn't if you're reading this. Anyway, please remind me about what I was talking about...Hello...?
Fine, don't answer.
So, Ali encounters Littlefoot for the second time since the first time they encountered each other. Instead of wasting her illustrious powers on destroying Littlefoot and Cera on the spot, Ali sends in the dumbest of her minions--some dweeb named Rhett--to deal with them. Rhett successfully embarasses Littlefoot by proving that he has no penis. Enraged by this revelation, Littlefoot and his friends conspire to destroy Rhett and make sabatoge it.
Part 2[]
This was a two-parter? I mean...Welcome to part 2 of JitteryDragon's epic masterpiece: Ali's Busily Meaningless...I mean, Ali Means Business. Now...umm...where did we leave off from last time...?
Oh, that's right! Cera gets it into her head that the best plan would be to shoot Rhett. Chomper immediately agrees to this proposition, mostly because he likes the idea of eating Rhett after he has been shot. Oddly enough, this plan actually succeeds and Chomper eats Rhett for breakfast! But Ali gets wind of Littlefoot's audacious plot and says that Rhett isn't brave enough. Suddenly the great heard of longnecks to chase down and trample Chomper to death. Following that tragedy, Ali uses her overwhelming powers of seduction on Littlefoot and they "shag" for a bit.
Eww... gross.
However, far off in some generic graveyard, a strage hoof emerges from the ground...
Could it be...? Has Rhett returned from the dead!? Oh, for the love of all that's good and holy, we sure hope not!
Production[]
- JitteryDragon's claim to fame throughout the YTP video universe.
- This film is actually the second time Ali has appeared in JD's YTPs. The first time was in LBT: Requiem, a brilliant remake of the failed Alien VS Predator sequel.
- According to Chomper, Rhett tasted just like a chicken (harr-harr).