Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies is an epic tale in which heroes are crushed by giant vindictive meteorites. Sound like fun, don't it? It is said that the Great One went insane after he created this horrific masterpiece. It was bound to happen sometime.
Our tragic tale features our main idiot, Littlefoot, who suffers from insomnia attacks. The rest of the Great Valley's inhabitants determine that Littlefoot has finally gone completely insane after he sees a strange blue rock in the sky. In truth, however, the adults are plotting to banish the little bastard because of his recent tendency to be more annoying than usual. Also, Petrie dances for no apparent reason. Before the Mr. Triceratops can begin trampling Littlefoot in oblivion, two aliens in dinosaur costumes arrive and start insulting everyone for the lulz of it. In the middle of some random musical number, Littlefoot is destroyed by a falling meteorite and dies. Unfortunately, he had an extra life. Later it is discovered that the Stone of Cold Fire has a power level of over 9000 and some flyer named Pterano intends on putting together a suicde mission to find it and become ruler of the universe! Petrie, convinced that Pterano is his long lost Mama Luigi, begins a double-agent operation on his friends and tries to convince Littlefoot into revealing the location of the hidden rebel base...err, I mean the cold fire thingy or some shit like that.
Rocks continue to fall and everyone continues to die. Littlefoot feels dirty (oh so dirty). Meanwhile, Pterano begins his villainous indoctrination of Great Valley's youngest flyers, convincing Petrie to betray his so-called "friends" and help him to achieve ultimate power. Suddenly, the King arrives and saves the day by blowing Petrie to smithereens with an SMG. Unfortinately, Petrie had an extra life. However, in an attempt to mimic Pterano's awesomeness, Petrie's head explodes! Still intent upon obtaining ultimate power, Pterano clones Petrie combining his DNA with pills supplied by Petrie's mother. This new Petrie is hearby known as...Petrie. An undisclosed period of time goes by and Petrie finds Littlefoot and the other children playing some stupid game. He begins to torture them for information regarding the Stone of Cold Fire, swearing repeatedly as he talks. Littlefoot answers to the best of his ability, leading to another timely intervention by the King and a few other gun-wielding heroes who abosltuetely annhilate Littlefoot to death. In addition, Petrie dies again after he falls off a cliff. Meh. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Ducky gets captured in the middle of the night (stupid git) by Pterano and his minions. Littlefoot wakes up and is immediately concerned, but because of his limited memory span he quickly falls asleep. Up in the sky, Pterano expresses his hatred for violence and the Dutch by randomly killing one of his minions. Some undisclosed period of time after all of this, Littlefoot fell into the water and drowned.
You say Apatosaurus can actually swim!?
Well, I'll be damned...I should lie down for a sec...
Ducky finally dies after spending too much time alive, thanks to being brutally murdered and fried up for dinner by Pterano and his minions. However, Ducky is not dead yet, and she escapes Pterano by falling down a hole and drowning in a pool of water. Enraged at this highly expected outcome, Sonic the Hedgehog suddenly arrives ands give a G.I. Joe Public Sercive Announcement about the wisdom of touching people in comfortable places. Meanwhile, Littlefoot has once again lead his friends on another suicide mission across yet another bloody chasm. It is enough to make one wonder why the rest of the children spend any time with him at all--not to mention the fact that he's totally brain-dead and has no penis. And also...err...what was I talking about? Oh right, that bloody chasm! Yeah, I guess they decide to cross it or something. However, they predictably fail in an epic fashion due to Cera throwing up lotsa spaghetti and Spike being a gluttonous bastard. Ultimately, Littlefoot's suicide mission pays off when he and his "friends" become red stains on the wall of the other side of the canyon.
Also, burritos are tasty!
For no apparent reason, JitteryDragon decided to split Part 4 into two parts. We don't question his logic in this because everybody realizes he truly is insane and the rest of us just watch his videos because...wait, why am I watching this shit!?
...anyway, a tragedy befalls the Kingdom of Hyrule when the King is killed by toast. Meanwhile, Littlefoot tries to fly and fails, falling to his death, closely followed by Spike and Cera whose inexperience in the scholarly art of Battletoads videogaming results in their drowing in white-water rapids. Nobody will mourn their passing. Oh, and Ducky also dies by drowing (some swimmer she turned out to be, eh?).
Pterano celebrates his victory over those meddling kids by playing some obscure-assed power metal song on Expert, only to have a meteorite crash on top of him. He is then splattered all over the Great Valley like something that is splattered.
For no apparent reason, JitteryDragon decided to split Part 4 into...hmm...I'm getting a sense of Deja Vu...
Pterano obtains the ultimate power and becomes god-like!
The entire world is thrown into chaos and darkness!
All hope is lost! Repent! Repent! The end is near! The end is near!
- (the author of this synopsis has collapsed due to a sudden heart attack)
- Contrary to popular opinion, JitteryDragon actually managed to retain some of his sanity when he created this. At least that's what he told us in the asylum.
- Phonofoot makes its first appearance in this film. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move..
- KenDucky Fried Chicken has since become one of the hottest items in KFC restaurant menus everywhere.